Our resident Beauty Bitch has her claws out again and this time they're pointing in the direction of Nicki Minaj
Luckily for you Nicki Minaj, we're still in Oscars mode and as a nod to one of our fave starlets and proof that we do admire, support and respect other women we'll start proceedings with the good bits.
Clearly you were at the front of the queue the day that musical talent was being dished out. Receiving accolades that merit you as being one of the most influential female rappers of all time and the first lady of hip hop is certainly no mean feat, but why, why, why do you spend the majority of your time dressed like a cartoon? Your OTT wigs, weaves and wacky outfits are perfect for the stage and are thoroughly entertaining but let’s be honest, they don’t make great daywear.
Most individuals would not be taken seriously for their talent if they walked the red carpet looking as though they’d raided a dressing up box instead of a dressing room and put it all on at once. Why on earth do you try so hard to look like a real-life Barbie doll? You're such a smart, witty lyricist but we feel you’ve been taking lessons off glitter-loving six-year-olds when it comes to your beauty regime.
Perhaps the glue gun from your bedazzle kit emits fumes strong enough to skew your judgement, but white-blonde wigs and weaves, coloured contact lenses and plastering yourself in foundation, highlighters, pink blushers and lilac lipstick is just not a good look. We appreciate that one of your main alter egos is 'Harajuku Barbie', but unlike artists like Beyonce (whose alter ego Sasha Fierce resides strictly on stage) your unreal persona stays with you both on and off stage and it is just too much.
What confuses us most by your obsession with Barbie (other than naming all of your female fans 'Barbz') is that you’re someone who claims to be a rapper with a difference; for someone who wants to tone down the sexiness of hip hop and really empower young girls to feel valued, you really are sending out a mixed message. We realise our, er, constructive criticism may seem somewhat hypocritical here but at least we are what we say we are when we’ve got our claws out - why not live up to what you claim to be about?
Our biggest gripe however, is that white-blonde hair, blue eyes, pastel make-up and lightening your skin with pale foundation is a rejection of your Caribbean roots not to mention a crime against fashion. Why not try embracing your natural beauty? If you’re up for a make-under Nicki, we’d be more than happy to oblige.