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Going South: 10 old health and beauty trends we definitely don't miss

October 31st 2014 / Imogen Edwards-Jones


From coloured mascara to cargo pants, Imogen Edwards-Jones counts down the top 10 fashion and beauty trends she is glad to see the back of

Last week I wrote, in honour of the return of Burberry check, about the health and beauty comebacks that I would welcome with open arms. But there are some fashions that no matter how experimental you are feeling, rather like snorting snuff, you could never really understand in the first place...

1) Fluro

What was that about? Walking around dressed like a handy highlighter was not attractive and did nothing for anyone other than those gorgeously tanned creamy café skinned Spanish girls you only ever see on holiday. Try being like me, ginger, living in Birmingham and wearing neon yellow. Nice.

2) The bubble perm

Where to begin? Unadulterated hair-hell. Even Kylie Minogue looked crap. The end.

3) The Doc Martin boot

Ugly, extremely uncomfortable (I could never walk further than the end of my road without getting blisters), they make anyone who wears them look like a henna-ed Trotsky-ite with chickpea breath. Not very nice.

4) Coloured mascara

I know it looks good in the magazines and that I may well be alone in this, but coating your eyelashes in turquoise does NOT make your eyes look more blue. And if you have dark brown eyes it looks even more odd. I spent most of my late teens wearing purple mascara thinking it made my eyes look like deep dark green pools, only to see from later photographs I simply looked like I’d had a rather big fight with myself. Eyelashes are black or brown. Simple.

6) Bennetton

What ever happened to the go-to shop for the fun coloured jumper? Every Sloane with their pie-crust collar used to sport a comfy round neck and another extra slung ‘n’ knotted over their shoulders. Usurped by the likes of Jack Wills and Boden? Personally I blame those awful harmonious adverts.

7) Marharishi cargo pants

As any All Saint wannabe drinking her Black Coffee will tell you, these were the pants that could pull a rock star or three. Effortlessly cool, roomy, baggy, you could eat Sunday lunch and just push the waistband a bit lower. Granted they were good with a tight vest and a coloured bra but the legs? The crotch was so god damn low it was like you’d had some terrible accident and didn’t make it to the lav in time.

8) Thin brows

I know they were supposed to add sophistication to the face. A finely arched brow, painted on with a pencil. All that happened was many unfortunate souls plucked themselves bald and ended up looking like a surprised boiled egg who’d unwittingly sat on a drawing pin.

9) Lip liner

The full Pete Burns. Subtle, sophisticated and glamorous; it was not.

10) The ra ra

Tarrah. Never again.


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