Christa D'Souza trials a life-changing hair removal treatment

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Are you part Simian, like me? By that I mean did you start having to depilate at the age of around 11, and has your life ever since basically revolved around your waxing schedule?

Phew. So you too know what it’s like. Thank God we’re a bit older, eh? Those days when one had to keep a razor and some baby oil in ones bag just in CASE one happened to pull? Such is the way it is for hairy girls like moi, and yes of course I got excited when that whole laser trend exploded ten or so years ago. But to be honest, it hurt so much, took so long and had so many pre-requisites (Had to be out of the sun for four weeks, had to be dark-skinned, had to be light-skinned, had to be thick-haired had to be fine-haired, had to be light-skinned and thick-haired, and so forth, plus it HURT) I sort of gave up. So for the past 70 years - that is what it feels like, anyway - I’ve been waxing, threading and Nair-ing (Nair for Men, I recommend heartily), continuing to schedule my summer holidays around regrowth.

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Then I met the delightful beautician Teresa Tarmey , facialist to Portia Freeman, Tallulah Harlech  and Suki Waterhouse. Faces is what this pretty Yorkshire lady specialises in—if you have acne scars, she is very definitely the person to see—but she knows the laser inside out too. I won’t say who goes to her for this, but if I told you, you wouldn’t be bothering to read to the end of this column, you'd be out the door on your way to the gleaming white duplex apartment she works out of in Belsize Park. I had sort of made up my mind not to go down the laser route for the above reasons but after she told me I was, in fact, an ideal candidate (dark skin, dark hair, haven’t been in the sun for four weeks) I figured, let's give it go. Especially since she promised me it wouldn’t hurt.

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See, instead of the tradtitional IPL machine, she uses the Soprano, which in addition to not being hurty can also be used to treat thread veins (and who doesn’t have those from a life time of waxing?). AND you can shave/depilate/whatever in between. Okay, so I’ve done one full leg treatment, it didn’t hurt a bit and I’ve got to go for about five more, leaving about a month in between. Can I tell a difference already? She said I wouldn’t but, do you know, I sort of can? And here’s another thing, she does laser Brazilians too, yup, right up there in all those crevices. If I can bear the ignominy, I might have to go for one of these too.

I shall keep you intimately posted.