Magpie, hoarder, hunter-gatherer (with an emphasis on the hunter - Hunter by name, hunter by nature)… Call my dirty little secret what you like, just don’t take away my makeup.
Like a busy woodland animal I squirrel away my stash for the winter, hiding it helpfully in vacant nooks and crannies around the flat and under the bed. My boyfriend (who will hereby be known as Mr Maniac) is obviously a big fan of this - there’s nothing like stepping on a blush palette to brighten up your morning.
Given that we live in a small three-roomed abode, our house is slowly becoming a larger-than-average beauty cupboard. Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way and I’m in good company apparently, as Jennifer Aniston this week admitted to People magazine that she is an ardent collector of cosmetics:
“I’ve had makeup in my drawer for ten years that I should probably get rid of.”
She has confessed to being ‘yelled at’ by others for her hoarding habits (me too Jen, me too… I’ll be there for you, I’ll be - okay I’ll stop now). While I can appreciate that living in a confined space with a makeup ferret may not be easy, it has its advantages.
If the urge ever strikes you to create an abstract masterpiece, I have every colour you could ever need, in cream, powder and liquid formulation. Biro run out? Just borrow one of my 27 eyeliners. If you’re feeling spotty, you could give one of my BB creams a go. They’re so sheer, no one will notice and I can cover shades ranging from porcelain to deep sand (was clearly hoping to get a tan that year).
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Admittedly, getting a domestic companion to see the benefits of my ‘problem’ hasn’t always been a piece of cake, but who needs cake when you have a lipstick for every possible situation? Many non-gatherers may well be missing out on the perfect ‘pop to the shops’ pink or the ideal emergency ‘meet the parents’ nude. From exams to job interviews to weddings, it’s likely I’ve got just the thing - for myself and probably everyone else too. Just give me a few weeks notice so I can find it.
Despite preparing ‘Girl Scout style’ for the dressing table drought that will certainly never come, I still nevertheless find my makeup nest egg lacking. Why did my foundation go a fetching WAG shade of orange en route to the office? Why does this contouring business still evade me, despite the fact that I have all the brushes for the job? Why is my eyeliner on my nose again?
These, dear readers, are just some of the dilemmas I aim to resolve in my Makeup Maniac column. Think of me as your female West London-based Indiana Jones, in pursuit of the makeup holy grail. Come hell, high water or temples of doom (Westfield?) I will search out the best formulas, shades and technological advances and bring you the latest makeup breakthroughs, along with some classics and much-missed old favourites.
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There will be cosmetic capers and crusades along the way - even Harrison Ford didn’t have all the answers, or take himself too seriously in those movies. I’m excited to take my fellow makeup junkies (plus or minus their exasperated housemates) along for the ride, as well as curious makeup newbies. Everyone is welcome into Maniac Mansion, just be careful where you tread. Rouge is a devil to remove from cream carpets.
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Are you a fellow makeup hoarder? Make me feel better by commenting below or getting in touch directly (@AnnaMaryHunter on Twitter). We can get through this together - or just have a lot of fun and put the world to rights.