Going South: Tried and tested cleansing oils

Clearly I am as flighty and as flimsy as a baby-doll nightie in a force eight gale and probably just as useful. In beauty terms I am not, let’s be frank, a stayer. There are women who remain loyal to products, mating for life like loyal swans, standing firm in the barrage of brazen brassiness other brands hurl at them. But not me. I’ll pick up this, that and the other, glob it, sniff it, slop it, slather it, use it for a few weeks and then get bored. My bathroom cabinet looks like a bargain bin, too scrotty even, for the exit aisles of Poundland.

So here I am. Having done three weeks of ‘no oil’  (which I liked, I hasten to add, except it did leave me with a rather tight sort of Putin-esque snaked eyed feeling around the peepers) I have inevitably done a bit of a volte-face. As agile as a sequin-clad gymnast in the Commonwealth Games, I’ve pulled the leotard out of my arse, waved to the judges and flick-flaked, handsprung and double-back summersaulted to the other corner and so now I am testing out oily cleansers.

Now as a former contact lens wearer (I have since been lasered) one of the things I shall be looking for is that the oils don’t sting. I have lost count of the amount of times I have jogged up and down on the spot, flapping my hands and whistling through the backs of my teeth as tears run down my face due to stinging eye creams and oils. It’s my bête noir. And secondly the smell. There are only so many conflicting smells you can have at the same time: perfume + face cream + deodorant + eye cream = a potpourri of pong.

Melvita Milky Cleansing Oil for Face and Eyes

A thick golden liquid, it promised to foam and turn milky after it was mixed with water. I didn’t manage to get it to do that and it did smell very strongly of roses due to the various rose extracts in the oil. But it cleansed my eyes and skin nicely and left it feeling plump and clean afterwards.

Sting Factor: 0

Smell Factor: 9 (very strong)

Cleanse Factor: 8

Melvita Milky Cleansing Oil, £20,  buy online

By Terry Cellularose Cleansing Oil

A clearer cleaner liquid that promised to brighten up the cells and take off all eye makeup, even the stubborn waterproof variety, which it did. However as a lazy old so and so who is quite keen on last night’s mazzer lasting, to be confronted with the bald naked mole-eyed truth was a bit of a shock.

Sting Factor: 1

Smell Factor: 5 (not bad)

Cleanse Factor: 10

By Terry Cellularose Cleansing Oil, £42,  buy online  from September

RMK Cleansing Oil

It was very thick and very oily and I felt like I was basting a chicken. The smell was clean and fresh and thankfully not of roses but didn’t sit well in my skin. Perhaps someone with younger, more porous skin would like it more, but it stung my eyelids and sat like a slick from the Exxon Valdez on top of my face.

Sting Factor: 4 (little bit ouchy)

Smell Factor: 3 (good)

Cleanse Factor: 4

RMK Cleansing Oil, £29,  buy online

Suqqu Reset Cleansing Oil

Weirdly I couldn’t really get to grips with this at all. It was almost scentless (hooray) but it was also colourless and quite thin, a bit like a watered-down version of baby oil. It was all very utilitarian and frankly a little bit dull. I am sure one is not supposed to seek joy in an eye cleanser but a little but of fun might be, er, fun?

Sting factor: 0

Smell Factor: 0 (excellent)

Cleanser Factor: 6

Suqqu Reset Cleansing Oil, £33,  buy online

Decleor Micellar Oil

Ah, now, Decleor is a company that knows about skin and oils and this product is no exception.  It goes on well, it cleanses well and it doesn’t sting your eyes. It washes off nicely and leaves your skin feeling smooth and clean, and it doesn’t leave a slick of residue that stings your eyelids. In short, a little bit perfect.

Sting Factor: 0

Smell Factor: 0 (excellent)

Cleanse factor: 9

Decleor Micellar Oil, £21.25,  buy online