We all know them, we’ve all seen them - we just wish they’d go away and leave us to despise the gym for our own personal reasons.
1. Tiny wife-beater vests
You know the ones - the type worn by guys with bulging pecs, too much fake tan and a look that suggests they want to kiss their arms every time they catch a glimpse in the mirror - trust us, nobody else is thinking the same...
This isn’t the Wimbledon final and it certainly ain’t the bedroom, so leave your grunts, groans and whines at the door people.
3. Woolly hats
Yeah, because it’s not hot enough in here already with all the sweaty, stinky, moist bodies running around panting loudly while pumping iron - in fact, pass me my snood.
4. The social media poser
Oh so you just checked into the gym on Facebook? Tell me more about all the muscles texting uses. And while you’re at it, take off your damn wife beater vest.
Is there some person in your life who is forever doubting that you go to the gym? Some kind of awful bully who suggests it’s a sick lie and thinks you’re at home watching Homes Under The Hammer eating digestives? No? THEN STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF YOURSELF!
That's right, make your workout ten times better by wearing a totally inappropriate beach-style espadrille shoe - you're on to a winner there!
Seriously, go away. You seem nice, but I’m sort of in the middle of something here. We can try and talk about all these very important topics you absolutely need to discuss afterwards, outside in the car park, while we're rushing to our cars and avoiding eye contact.
8. Mirror posing
Wait, did your biceps just grow an inch after that last set? I think they might have done champ. Better check again in five minutes just to make sure - we wouldn’t want you to miss out on an epic gun gain.
9. Advice givers
Oh did the way I was completely focused and in my own state of workout Zen confuse you into thinking I wanted both your opinion and advice? I’m sorry, my mistake. But thanks anyway, friend.
10. Push up bras instead of sports bras
I may be wrong but I was under the impression that the purpose of a sports bra was to strap down your enormous bazookas, not squeeze them higher to give your chin a prop rest - no? Okay then by all means please continue. I just love running to the beat of your bouncing cleavage.
11. The beauty queen
She doesn’t sweat, shes sparkles...
Would you like a head with those muscles?
13. Chat up lines
Did you get lost on your way to the bar, or did my overly unfriendly stance and sweat-laced upper lip seem sexy to you?
The naked body can be a beautiful thing - but not here, not now. I’m vulnerable enough as it is in the changing room without having to have a stand off by my locker with your bold and exposed va jay jay.
15. Bare abs
You’re awesome, thanks for sharing.