Midway through my quest for OMG, and it’s time to wake up and smell the black coffee. My efforts have been so lacklustre that my weight has actually gone up again since last week – meaning that in total I’ve lost a single pound in three weeks of cold baths, poms (OMG code for periods of movement), protein and no breakfast. And it could be some manner of chickpea bloat, but my waist is actually 1in thicker than before.
Things I have done: cold baths, drinking black coffee and green tea, reducing my usual tri-weekly gym visits into daily walks or cycles, eating more protein, skipping breakfast, “hunting and waiting” before lunch, avoiding fruits and fruit juices, lifting heavy weights.
Things I have not done: blown up balloons (come on), body brushing in the bath, “hunting and waiting” before dinner, stuck to the routine over weekends, exercise classes such as Pilates, stopped boozing.
I think the biggest problem is alcohol – the ultimate liquid carb. It has been a very heavy week for booze and I haven’t been counting this in my 120g a day total carb intake. Venice A. Fulton, who is accused of marketing his book to teenagers (OMG! That’s why the iPhones!), makes a lot more fuss about “soda” and fruit juice than alcohol, but his message is clear. To get skinnier than all your friends, avoid all liquid carbs.
Six Weeks to OMG got a lot of headlines by advising people to give up breakfast, but the truth is I found that significantly easier than giving up wine. Porridge was never part of my social life in the way the prosecco is, and for me the choice between being a thin teetotaller or a fat drinker is very, very tricky.
Having been a journalist for a while I can already hear the online comments: “Pathetic looser”, “You've got a problem if you need wine to enjoy yourself”, etc, but it isn’t as simple as that in life. One day last week I went to the launch of a new pub that is very proud of its speciality beers. Another day I met with a friend who was having relationship problems. On Friday and Saturday night, I had friends over for dinner. It would literally have been rude not to.
There has also been the odd biscuit. And the odd bit of chocolate. And cake. Who am I kidding? I trashed the rules about sugar this week.
I believe I may have hit The Wall. It’s all very well sticking to something for a week or two, but if all it does is make you crave what you’re missing, it isn’t sustainable. The reason I chose this diet – the idea that any of its elements alone would make a difference – hasn’t held true. As I sign this off, I realise I’m going to have to try much harder for the next three weeks to test the Six Weeks to OMG plan properly. But my heart really isn’t in it: I’m simply not a dieter. Can I hack it just for 21 days? Will the weight go straight back on? There’s only one way to find out…
Three weeks to OMG
Enthusiasm: Rock bottom