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Make-up as politics

June 24th 2013

Learn how to pull off a feminist face with a little help from a fellow sister. This is one 'How to' you HAVE to see, writes Anna Hunter

We make no bones about the fact that Get The Gloss is founded on the principle of beauty with brains. Supporting the sisterhood is also top of our list, and we’ll fight tooth and (expertly manicured) nail to defend our fellow females. You could liken us to an office-based team of beauty Beyoncés in Sasha Fierce mode. We must however admit that we haven’t quite reached the maneater makeover stage of proceedings yet… but now we don’t have to as this sassy lady has gone there for us.

‘Get The Look’ tutorials have become a YouTube sensation, with some more professional or successful than others, but never before have we come across one with such an ambitious, Die Hard style objective (kill men… with your face).

Taylor’s makeover is without doubt more transformative than most - it won’t simply make you look foxy on a Friday night; it has the added advantage of helping you to ‘establish an Amazonian world order over which you and your sisters will rule’. With more benefits to women than a BB cream, Taylor’s regime is a step-by-step masterplan to global female dominance; every stage promotes women’s innate superiority whilst stamping all over sexism (and um, men).

Taylor’s foundation application is even, fair and equal, ‘unlike the government and primetime television networks’. Concealer ensures that your ‘physical exterior matches the flawlessness of your personality’. To set, dust with the ‘powdered ashes of Susan B Anthony’. When you’re fixing your base with the remains of one of the most prominent civil rights leaders in the fight for women’s suffrage in the U.S, you know that your morning routine got feminist. Incidentally Ms Anthony’s message for the women of the future was ‘Failure is impossible’. This is one seriously empowering makeover.

Taylor’s make up metaphors are off the wall witty, and her application advice is, in all seriousness, very wise. Mascara should be ‘strong, just like women’s spirit through millennia of misogyny’. In terms of eyeshadow, keep it light ‘like the glass ceiling, the thinner the better’. It’s all about skilled, ruthless definition in the eye department as a whole, as ‘you want the wings of your eyeliner to be so sharp that they could kill a man, allowing you to drain his blood so you can summon the goddess Athena’. Let’s face it; we all desire ‘eyes to kill’ and sometimes the smokey look just doesn’t cut it.

The deadpan delivery and seamless transition from one makeover stage to the next make this parody ‘How to…’ all the more hilarious. Taylor covers all the bases and protects us from both make up slippage and the gender related discrimination, encouraging us to line our lips ‘so that no one will be able to escape your wrath’ and wrapping up with a ‘hot glossy sheen as a final kick to the balls’. She even makes product recommendations (lipstick in ‘smash the patriarchy number 2). She’s next on our list to compile Expert’s Top 5; in the meantime we’ll be putting those male chauvinist pigs in their place and looking ‘fine as hell doing it’. Burn our bras? We’d rather rock a red lip.

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