May 22nd 2020
Sex & Gynae
Why lockdown sex is complicated
May 12th 2020 / 0 comment
Has staying at home got you feeling sexier than ever or totally turned off? Podcaster and GTG columnist Nicola Bonn hears tales from real women. Including the one about the 'corona boner'...
I was on a Zoom call the other day and my work friend who is a mum to a six-year-old announced that she’d had sex last night. She looked really proud of herself and explained that it was the first time in a month of lockdown; normally they'd be having sex at least once a week but lockdown meant she'd lost the will. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy it. I’m just desperate for a bit of me-time after home schooling and working and the idea of it is never as good as the reality.” I was nodding in agreement when our other friend, also a Mum of two, informed us that she’d been having sex every other day. She gave us a big grin and then mouthed “he’s really, really big!”.
even though she adores her hubby, her idea of pleasure at the moment is being alone in the car
Meanwhile, her “really big” husband could be heard chuckling in the background. “I can hear you,” he said with a note of pride in his voice. I have NEVER heard her talk like this, I mean, talking about penis size in the early days is par for the course, but when you’ve been married for aeons, these things just don’t usually come up in conversation because it all seems a bit personal and potentially embarrassing.
Sex has taken a new turn in lockdown. For friend number two it’s sparked some sort of rebirth of the early days of their relationship and a need to (over)share, which is kind of sweet and yet has also made me feel a bit inferior because and concerned because this is not my current sexual reality.
Many women I speak to are having a new experience of lockdown sex. I was interviewing TV producer and breast cancer awareness campaigner Helen Addis on my Outspoken Beauty Podcast last week and she told me that she’d coined her husband’s constant lockdown horniness ‘the Corona Boner’ which made me laugh so hard I snorted. Helen was keen to stress that even though she adores her hubby, her idea of pleasure at the moment is being alone in the car. A chat with an old friend who is living on her own revealed that for the first time aged 39, she had purchased a vibrator. (The Rampant Rabbit Vibrating G Spot Massager if you’re interested) She couldn’t believe that she has waited this long and swears that it is keeping her sane and happy.
There are also the women who started relationships just before lockdown began. I interviewed beauty journalist Rosie Green yesterday, who is in this very situation. Rosie is recently divorced with two children and started dating someone just before lockdown. We didn’t go into too much detail about how they’re navigating the ins and outs of the relationship but I know if I was her, I would be taking full advantage of WhatsApp video calls (definitely not Microsoft Teams or Zoom just in case I mistakenly bared myself to a colleague or something hideous…I mean are they even secure?).
As for me, I’m on some sort of sexual rollercoaster. I’m horny and then not horny…. desperate for sex at lunchtime and then wanting alone time by tea time. There are so many things to bear in mind. For starters, the kids are around ALL THE TIME. This takes away any possibility of sexy spontaneity which is annoying as by the time they’re asleep I’m a yawning mess, mindlessly munching on Dairy Milk and watching Homeland or Killing Eve.
I also need to address my current ‘look’. I mean, my husband loves me ‘just the way I am’ but sexy is not how I would describe myself at the moment. I’m no longer getting dressed up for work, coming home buzzing from a great day or waking him up, tipsy and excitable after a night out. Any mystique that once surrounded me (not that there ever has been much) has gone out the window. He’s seen me constantly plucking my chin-hairs, manoeuvring my sanitary towel (see lockdown diary week one) and he had to unblock the loo the other day after I’d used it. These things happen in marriages I know, but too much is happening too often in the intense confines of a house that we’re not really leaving. How can I transition from the woman who did the giant poo to wearing my date night black knickers? It just doesn’t work.
However your lockdown sex is working for you, there are a few products that I love and that friends rave about.
I love the name, love the colour and love the fact that it has a big G-Spot focus. It also doesn’t look like a giant penis which is a big bonus.
H&M lace underwired bra, £14.99
If you want some lockdown underwear that feels as good as it looks then this H&M ticks so many boxes. I particularly like the plunge this bra has.
This lube is loved by gynaecologists, won’t irritate you and is in a classy bottle. What more do you want?
My go-to fragrance, as soon as I spritz this heady fragrance on I feel powerful, sexy and ready for anything.
Nicola Bonn is the host of the Outspoken Beauty Podcast
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