Ask Elle: How do I give up alcohol?

Hi Elle. I’m perimenopausal and I just can’t tolerate alcohol in the way that I used to – it messes with my sleep and my mood. But my work involves lots of social drinking during the festive season. This year, I’m determined to go through the season sober. How do I make the switch? Rachel*

The recent launch of my book Elle, Life, Lessons, and Learning to Trust Yourself, has triggered a lot of interest in my sobriety. After 21 years sober, you could say I’m a seasoned master! I’m at the stage now where I don’t even think about drinking. I think about living and thriving.

For me, it was 2003 when I realised I was drinking more, even at times when I didn’t want to. I was 40 years old. After my second son, Cy, was born, drinking escalated. Life was full-on and alcohol brought me relief and helped me to relax.

Drinking took away the anxiety I felt about trying to be a perfect partner, mother, model and businesswoman. Leaving for Arizona to go to rehab while my children stayed home in London was extremely painful, but I knew that if I didn’t get sober, I was never going to be the parent I wanted to be.

I found that Alcoholics Anonymous is a roadmap for life. It’s such a powerful tool, both physically and spiritually. Here’s what else I’ve learnt about sobriety and what may help you, Rachel, too.

Arrive early, leave early

Once I was sober, I became very picky about which occasions I attended. I also realised that I really enjoyed the preparation for an event. For me, the getting ready – the outfits, the details – was actually the fun part. Instead of staying all night at parties, I committed to slipping in at the start, saying hello, having a laugh and then leaving before things got messy. I love meeting friends after for a meal or I’ll go home early and watch a movie.

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Embrace the champagne glass rather than the champagne

When out, I love a ginger ale in a champagne glass or sparkling water with lots of lime. I’m also a big fan of the mocktail. For lunches, I like a virgin Bloody Mary or a Seedlip, lime and tonic, which tastes pretty similar to a gin and tonic and, for me, is  infused with memories of summer time. When you’re out, if anyone asks why you’re not drinking, I suggest simply responding with, ‘I’m having a great time, thanks. There’s nothing I could drink to improve the way I’m feeling right now.’ Remember, you needn’t be swayed by what people say or if they feel uncomfortable; they may have their opinions, but I’ve found they are usually just unfamiliar with someone confidently being comfortable in their own skin. They’d most likely love some of what you’re having and to feel the way you’re feeling! People often drink to feel comfortable so if you feel comfortable without drinking, they can question themselves… which is not your problem, it’s theirs.

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Find new ways to catch up with friends

Get creative about new ways to meet your loved ones. For example, I love going to the Bath House London (a traditional Russian banya with sauna, cold plunge pools and Parenie massage with medicinal leaves), or I’ll do some contrast therapy (going from a sauna to an ice bath) on an evening. Doing this with my loved ones is a much better way to spend an evening while you’re also detoxing, relaxing and strengthening your immune system. I feel amazing afterwards!

Invest in rest

You probably love a good night’s sleep. I know I do! I really value my sleep so, for a good night’s rest and some healthy, glowing skin, I love WelleCo’s The Evening Elixir. I certainly don’t miss anxiously waking up in the middle of the night after drinking. And you’ll find every day to be much easier when you’ve slept well rather than having a rough sleep when your body is trying to detox instead of resting well. With quality sleep, you make more of the next day, feeling great, making more wise decisions and your moods are more consistent. Also, be sure to leave blue light out of the bedroom – instead, read a book or use blue-blocking sunglasses once the sun sets. When you feel great your body will  love you right back and support you in all sorts of ways.

Be inspired by others

It can be a powerful treatment hearing from others who have navigated a similar journey. I wrote my book to share my hard-earned insights and lessons that can help anyone through their own adversities, illnesses and inner conflicts. And, for me, getting sober was one of them – and staying sober was another big one!

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I got a lot out of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I started out going to women’s meetings as it felt like a safe space where I could relate to the stories shared. I enjoyed a lot of friendship and fellowship from these women. You are given practical skills and tools to embrace sobriety for good and live life on life’s terms. These tools are key to guiding and helping you, especially in the early days. Once I chose to stop the cycle of addiction and started practising a Twelve Step program, I began reclaiming myself… and you can too. Having clarity of mind gives hope, strength and determination to make different choices in your life.

I’ve learned that all experiences are valuable and worthwhile, not meaningless or senseless or pointless. Every addiction starts with pain – and continues with pain until you learn to live in self-love. I consciously choose love and hope you do too!

Elle by Elle Macpherson (BenBella Books, £22.46) is published on 19 November 2024, pre-order on amazon.co.uk

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* name changed